Maybe it’s easy for some, but for a lot of men approaching and talking to women can be a big challenge. Since we get asked about this topic a ton, we thought we’d discuss our favorite tips on how to talk to women confidently and successfully. Whether you’re meeting a woman for the first time or you’re headed out on a date, understanding and practicing these tips are sure to give you a big boost with the ladies!
Sure, we women are full of mysteries, (just ask Dorian), but knowing a thing or two about body language can really help you figure out some of those mysteries. Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or are enjoying her company on a date, there are some subtle things she may or may not be doing that can tell you a lot about whether or not she likes you. As humans, we react in unconscious ways based on how we feel, and knowing a little bit about these cues and how to react accordingly can really help you out along the way.
Before you’ve even met someone you may be able to figure out how much they’re interested in you. If you catch eyes with someone and they give you a lingering look or don’t immediately turn away, chances are they like what they see. Don’t wait, now’s your chance to go say hi!
Unconscious outfit or hair touching and fixing is another great sign that someone you’ve been checking out is aware and ready to reciprocate. These slight movements or subtle means of indicating self-consciousness often happen as someone is indicating they want to look their best for someone else who is potentially interested. Another good sign that you’re off to a great start.
If you’ve made the move and have initiated conversation with someone, subtle touching is a huge cue for interest and attraction. The other person obviously feels comfortable around you and naturally feels compelled to touch you. Subtle touches to your arm or shoulder in a playful way are a means to break down physical boundaries, so take that as a great sign! Don’t let the moment pass either, basic reciprocation is definitely something she’s encouraging you to do so she knows you feel the same level of interest.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, you want to be conscious of ways she may react that could indicate that she’s not really feeling it. Turning away or looking away as you initiate contact and interest could mean she’s not interested and doesn’t feel that level of comfort around you in order to reciprocate. It doesn’t mean she’s feeling negative, just that she isn’t romantically interested. If that happens, don’t worry, simply politely move on like the gentleman you are, there are plenty of other women out there.
Obviously big smiles mean good things, but sometimes it’s more about a person still feeling unsure but wanting to remain polite. If you’re getting smiles but they don’t seem to be of the obvious variety it probably means you’re on the right track but you’ve still got some work to do in terms of making her feel comfortable and interested. Change up the topic and see if she still keeps giving you this type of smile. If this goes on long enough, it’s not a good sign.
Again, arms crossed is a pretty obvious sign things aren’t going well but if she’s got her hands touching her biceps she’s definitely feeling a lot of discomfort, displeasure, or is upset. Take this as a sign that it may be time to end the conversation or address what’s going on directly but sensitively. Who knows, maybe it was an inadvertent mistake on your part or there’s something going on that’s unrelated to you entirely. Be compassionate and upfront, you never really know what’s going on until you ask. Alternatively, if it’s obvious she’s not in a good place it may not be worth your time, and as we said before, there are plenty of other wonderful people out there.
Sure, not everyone is blessed with flawless cheekbones, a superhero body, or a million-dollar smile, but attractiveness is much more than just physical appearance. If you look at some of the most attractive men on the planet there’s a whole lot more that goes into what makes them attractive, and many of these things are habits and behaviors that you too can adopt to make yourself more attractive. It’s more simple than you think and I’m going to break it all down for you.
Maybe it seems obvious, but a clean, well-groomed man is always going to appear attractive and it also shows you care about yourself. It doesn’t have to mean a complicated routine and fancy products either, just put some effort into how you look, smell, and groom and you’re in great shape.
How you present yourself physically to the world with your body language can convey a ton of attractiveness. So, stand upright, uncross your arms, smile frequently, and make eye contact with those around you, you’ll instantly appear more friendly, approachable, and people will want to get to know you.
Some of us have been blessed and some of us haven’t, but either way, taking care of yourself physically goes a long way, and well past just what your body looks like physically. Proper exercise and fitness contributes to overall physical and mental well-being, boosts confidence, and helps with stress, all important factors that will boost your attractiveness to everyone around you.
Cultivating a strong mind is just as important as working on your physique. Confidence comes from a variety of sources and it takes work to get to a good place with yourself. Everyone is different, but solid mental health habits based around proper sleep, meditation, journaling and even regular therapist visits will help you build and maintain a strong sense of self and confidence.
Everyone loves to be complimented, it instantly disarms people and makes them feel good when they’re around you, and make no mistake, people always remember how you make them feel. Take care to make sure you’re always genuine though, nobody likes fakeness.
It’s a simple thing, but there’s a reason your mom always wanted you to remember your manners. People really notice when you say “please” and “thank you”, when you’re being gracious, opening the door for others, and not talking with your mouth full. You’ll become memorable (and attractive) for the right reasons and a pleasure to be around.
So, as you can see, everyone, and I mean everyone, can be more attractive, no matter what you look like. It just takes the right habits, some self-care, and a genuine desire to be the best you can be.
Whether you know it or not, you there are some things you may (or may not) be doing that have a profound effect on how women respond to you. In fact, you may be rejecting or turning off women in a big way, even before you’ve had a chance to get to know or even talk to them. Which mistakes are you making? Check out these 10 ways you’re rejecting women without even knowing it!
It may go without saying but it still bears repeating. Dirty fingernails, unkempt hair, bad breath, wrinkled, ill-fitting clothing and even too much cologne can all kill any chance you have with the opposite sex before you even say a word.
It’s pretty simple really, a lack of manners is a huge turn-off. Not waiting for others to be served before eating, talking with your mouth full, and a general lack of respect for others demonstrates how little you care about the world around you, and the people in it.
Eye contact is a huge indicator of confidence and respect, plus it’s just awkward when your eyes are wandering. If you’re on the shy side it may take some practice to be comfortable with making eye contact but trust me, it’s worth doing what it takes to improve your skills.
Stand-offish body language or unwelcoming expressions can just make someone feel uncomfortable and unwanted so be mindful of things like crossing your arms, how you hold yourself, sitting or standing. Don’t be afraid to smile, it goes a long way in making people feel comfortable and attracted to you.
Interrupting, being combative or overly aggressive just makes anyone your speaking with feel defensive and nervous, so make sure you’re relaxed and friendly, no matter how passionate you get about a subject. It’s also important to consider how you start and end a conversation too, it’s easy to shoot yourself in the foot if you’re not careful.
Tact is an important and subtle thing, so know your surroundings and the situation. Being overtly sexual, talking about exes, talking down to people, excessive boasting or talking about yourself too much are major negatives and no woman wants to hear it. For more advice, check out my piece on things you should never say to a woman.
Look, being strict about a budget and financially responsible is a great thing but pushing it too far, especially around others can make you look bad and force others into situations they don’t want to be in.
Sure, we all have our moments of lateness but there’s no quicker way to make someone feel disrespected than to be excessively late or not care about timeframes. Plus, all it takes is a simple, genuine apology if you are late to let someone know you aren’t totally self-centered.
If you’re interested in the woman, ask her about herself. Then if things go well, be a man and ask her if she’d like to have a drink or dinner with you. Playing games, trying to be too cool, or not being straightforward, these things aren’t attractive in any way and just let her know you’re not someone worth spending time with.
Any woman with half a brain sees this amateur move a mile away and immediately writes a guy off for an easy rejection. As we mentioned previously, being genuine and straightforward lets her know you’re a confident gentleman, not a game-player.
The good news is, many of these are easy to fix, so take honest stock of yourself and interact with women. It doesn’t hurt to ask someone you trust for some feedback too. Like many other situations in life, good things come from caring about some of the most simple things.
It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship, taking someone out on a date is enjoyable for both of you and gives you the chance to enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other on a deeper level. Experiencing new things together, or introducing one another to new experiences is how you both grow as individuals and as a couple, so don’t neglect it!
For the first few dates, especially, you want to keep things lively and literally moving, otherwise there’s a chance to have some awkward quiet moments, which you want to avoid. It also shows that you know how to plan for an occasion, which my girlfriends and I find very telling about someone.
You’ll notice that most of these dates are incredibly cheap, but they’re also some of the best dates my girlfriends and I have been on. So keep that in mind. Now, don’t get me wrong, a beautiful meal at a high-end restaurant is also nice but it’s really not a deal breaker, or maker – for that matter.
Dorian and I’s first date was at the Natural History Museum. They have a few times in the year where they open it up at night and have cocktails and music and you can walk around the museum chatting and sipping a drink – it was a lot of fun and is definitely a great choice. Any decently sized museum, even quirky ones, will be great because you always have something new to comment on and discuss if the conversation lulls.
Most towns have a little center or street with little stores, restaurants and coffee shops where you can grab a tea or coffee and just walk around and see what’s going on. Here in LA, we have a few of malls where they have parks and fountains in them that are great for a date. It’s actually very enjoyable to sit on a bench and chat and people watch.
If your city has a bike rental service and you’re both proficient riders, then that is also very fun to do as well. Dorian, who’s an experienced road cyclist, made me do this in Paris and it was so much more fun than I thought it would be. So that’s another great option.
Going to a golf driving range or mini golf course is a blast, even if neither of you play, since it’s fun to watch each other struggle to hit the balls or sink the putt.
Bowling, while a little cliche, is also good, as long as your partner doesn’t have long nails – that’s when it’s no fun.
Everyone can appreciate a beautiful garden on a nice day. Bring a chilled wine, if you’re allowed, or grab some tea or coffee and take a stroll through one. They normally have little placards by the plants, so you can read about the interesting ones together and discuss them.
Korean BBQ or something like a Benihana is great because it requires you both to be engaged with either cooking the food or watching someone do it, instead of just staring at each other the whole time.
We’re lucky in LA in that the weather is good year round and we have really amazing hiking spots nearby, so an evening or morning hike is always fun and healthy at the same time! You can also out for a quick breakfast or dinner afterwards, if things are going well, too.
This is kind of a no-brainer, but it’s still a good option from time to time. This really isn’t required for a first date, but definitely on dates where you’re interested in him or her and want to make it more known you’re serious about your intentions. This is also great for long-term relationships.
Call, text or email your date and tell them to be dressed in their best clothes and be ready at a certain time and then take them to a fine dining experience. Go outside your norm a little and read reviews about restaurants and find something that fits your budget but is classy.
Dorian is a big baseball and hockey fan and before meeting him, I was neither of those. So for one of our first dates, he took me to a see an LA King’s hockey game and it was so much fun! Plus, as he told me while I was working on this story, he used the opportunity of explaining the rules to get a little closer to me without it being obvious or creepy.
Baseball is still a work in progress, but I’m slowly coming around. 🙂
If you’re a good conversationalist, you can do this as a first date. But if not, then wait until you’re a little more comfortable in each other’s presence and go to a wine bar or cocktail lounge. Just make sure it’s not a regular bar that blasts music or is showing sports – unless you’re both super into sports. Ideally, you want to keep it as classy as possible. Lots of candles and a little jazz music will make this even better and more romantic.
Dorian and I have a little french wine bar we loved to go to while we were dating and still go to this day. It’s all candle lit and so romantic, we’d get a little plate of meats and cheeses and sip some wine and just talk about our days. I’m ready to go there now, actually!
Hope you enjoyed this article/video! Now go get ’em, tiger!
Here’s a few videos/articles Antonio and I collaborated on, as well.
Your overall smell – body odor, cologne and breath. Your scent is an indication of how considerate you are of yourself and of others because being stinky, with body odor or assaulting people with your cologne is disgusting and rude.
The type of haircut and style you have, if it’s maintained and how clean your hair looks or is.
How groomed and clean your hands are. Fingernails, smooth/rough/warts/hairy/etc are all things a woman immediately notices.
What shoes you’re wearing based on the occasion and how clean they are. They indicate a lot more about a man than he often thinks.
Whether we’re interacting or I’m observing you from afar – The way you interact with others and the way you carry yourself are all things we immediately notice. Are you well spoken? What’s your demeanor – funny, serious, shy, nice, well-mannered, rude, etc.? Women look past physical attributes, and I know men have a hard time understanding this sometimes because they’re more visual creatures, but women immediately go right past your physical looks to try and get the core of a man. A bad personality sours even the best looking of men.
How put together you are, regardless of what style you’ve adapted, is a good indicator of the type of man you are. If your clothes are proportional to your body, then doesn’t matter what your body type is, it shows you care about yourself enough to have respect for your own appearance. So make sure your clothes fit properly, at least!
Antonio had this way further down on his list then I’d ever put it. Your smile is important because it can instantly make a woman feel welcomed and comfortable. On top of that, how clean and well your teeth look is another good insight into how a man conducts his life.
This one is pretty obvious, but Antonio didn’t give this one enough credit, either. Your features, good or bad, and how you make the best of what you’ve been given is a big deal to women. Is your skin clean looking, facial hair kept in check, eyebrow, nose and ear hair groomed? These all tell us how well you treat yourself and understand that your appearance matters – to yourself and the ability to understand how to interact with the world.
I hope this was helpful!
The goal is to end the conversation gracefully and to not be patronizing to the person you are having a conversation with.
or “It was great chatting with you.” This is called the roadblock. I use this one constantly whenever I’m in a conversation I want to get out of, or the person is not allowing me to talk in a conversation or are just rambling.
If someone I know comes by and I want to get out of the conversation, I’ll grab them, introduce them to the person, let them say their pleasantries and then excuse myself and just never come back.
You can say anything from – grab another drink, grab some food, or use the restroom.
No one can tell if your phone is on vibrate.
I want to show you how to actually start a conversation and show you the best opening topics. The goal of any great conversation is to find common ground. So you just start fishing for it, basically.
You just need a way into a conversation, so this is the easiest opening. From there, you can talk about how hard “X” was to find.
This applies to someone if they don’t seem like they’re from around here, but if you’re not sure, then you can default to “Hey! Are you from around here?” Whatever they’re answer may be, you now can talk about where they’re from or the city you both live in.
If they’re eating or drinking something – this a great way to start talking with someone.
Similar to #5. Everyone loves being complimented. It makes them instantly let their guard down and then you can follow up with one of the next few conversation starters.
In any kind of setting, this is an opening that will get you remembered. It can catch someone off guard at first, but then they’ll think about what an interesting and pleasant question that was.
If you’re at a bar or an event that’s not hosted by someone specifically, then this is a great question to find common ground.
This is my go-to conversation opener. If you’re at an event or party, you can always use the host as an excuse to learn about the people there.